Since the name of this blog has motherhood in it I figured my first book review should be about one of my favorite parenting books so far.
I was able to attend a 2 week class at my church that was named Christlike Parenting. The woman who came to speak was amazing and I wish I could remember her name but she recommended the books by Dr. Glenn Latham “The Power of Positive Parenting: A wonderful way to raise children.” and “Christlike Parenting: Taking the Pain out of Parenting.”
Because I enjoyed the classes so much I figured I would really like the books that were recommended. I went to Amazon.com and purchased the book here. Checking out the reviews I was excited that so many other people really enjoyed the book and were having success with their children when they implemented the principles that Dr. Glenn Latham suggests.
What I enjoyed the most about this book is that it recommends a parent should be more aware of children’s positive behavior and give them attention and praise for it. The book recommends giving positive attention in many ways, such as touch (a hug, pat on the head, back rub, etc…) verbal praise (I love you, you are doing so well, I like it when you…). If you are familiar with the 5 love languages this could really apply here by finding out what your child’s love language is and giving them praise or attention in that language.
Dr. Latham says that if the feeling in the home is out of balance to start by having 20 positive interactions with your children every hour. 20!!! Yes! It does seem like a lot, and that is because it is. If we think of our love like a bank account every negative thing we say to our children takes out a withdrawal from that account. If behavior is really bad it is important to fill up the child’s love bank with positive in order for them to really even trust and want to listen to what you have to say as a parent.
This was and still is one of the most difficult things about this parenting style. So often in our culture and families we only give attention to what is bothersome or frustrating and not as much if any to the millions of sweet wonderful positive things that happen on a daily basis. I find myself now realizing when I am giving attention to negative behavior instead of the positive behavior that I want to continue.
A parent should ignore “weed” behavior or “age typical” behavior. Sounds pretty simple, but this is actually really one of the hardest things to do about this parenting style. You give attention to positive behavior only…. Unless… The negative behavior is doing 1 of 3 things: Hurting someone, Hurting themselves, or damaging property. Everything else, just ignore it.
The book talks about using privileges with your children. For example, if the child is engaging in a negative behavior that is listed above you speak with them about the situation when they have calmed down. You talk with them about how the behavior is unacceptable. You then ask them about some of the privileges that they enjoy in the home (could be TV time, Video games, playing dress up.) But the child will tell you what privileges they enjoy. You then use this as their currency. If they choose to continue that behavior, they will loose a privilege.
I do this with Elizabeth using anything that I notice she particularly enjoys like playing with her princess dresses, and TV/Movies. This is her currency.
I have not finished the book yet as it is super large and is meant to be more of a handbook to reference as you go with parenting, I see myself using this book weekly and probably sometimes daily as a refresher on how I want to parent my children.
I will update as I implement these techniques more with my sweet little ones!
What is your favorite parenting book?